Our Life with Oliver

Oliver - When I was around 15/16 years old, your Tio Ivan got very sick. Things changed drastically. We knew that he was handicapped. We knew that our family would never have 'normal'. But this - this was just not fair. I became very angry. I was so upset that my big brother had to go through this pain. That my big brother was in the hospital for months and that he was suffering. I became so angry with God. Why would He do this to us? Your Tio Ivan is a strong believer. He has seen God. He has had those experiences. He has a connection to God that many people don't have. So again, I ask him Why? I turned away from Him. I became angry. My faith was non-existent. Why should such a beautiful soul go through this pain? It took me years to find my way back. In a way, I never truly found my way back. That is, until you came about. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was terrified. Truly terrified. I told your Daddy not to tell anyone, because I was convinced I would m

I can't believe it has been 6 months already. Time is going by so quickly, yet so slow. There are so many things I want to do with you. I want to take pictures of you every month, showing how much you are changing and growing. I wish I would have done more with you while I was pregnant. I tried to make as many memories as possible. We recorded your heartbeat while I was about 6 months pregnant with you. I had read that other mothers had done that as keepsakes with their babies. I am so glad we did that. I haven't listened to it in awhile. It instantly breaks my heart to hear it. I remember the day we recorded it. I was laying in bed and your Daddy recorded it on his phone. The gel would make you move and you would always push back on the wand. I loved to see you wiggle while we tried to listen to you. You already had a little wild personality. We listened to your heartbeat so much. It truly comforted me - because it meant we were still together. I feel like I failed you, being

You were in my dreams last night It felt so good to see you You were in my dreams last night It felt so good to hold you You were in my dreams last night These moments felt so real You were in my dreams last night These moments I will cherish You were in my dreams last night It felt so good to kiss you You were in my dreams last night It felt so good to see you I love you Oliver.  I can't wait for our next dream date.