Our Life with Oliver

3 years ago today - I woke up and knew that my life as I knew it was going to change forever. That day is so vivid for me. I remember going to bed the night before, knowing that Oliver would pass by the morning. I was so in tune with my boy and my body. Though I didn't have fluid - and his movements were so soft and gentle, I could count on them. I knew his pattern. He would wake me up in the middle the night - except this one. I checked his heart rate and it was slowing down. When I woke up on October 24, 2012 - I knew. I checked his heart rate with my doppler - silence. I remember being calm. I remember crying. I remember being scared.  It has been 3 years since my boy made his way to me. I am heart broken. I am also happy. I am happy that I am his mother. I am happy that I chose not to abort - and I saw his beautiful face. The most handsome baby boy - that was my son. My Oliver.  Oliver has given my life so much meaning. He made me a mother. He made us a family. H

We are now 14 weeks along with our new addition. I announced a few weeks ago - and needed some time to think about this post. I wanted to wait until some of my emotions subsided. Of course -- I am beyond excited and blessed to have this new miracle growing inside of me. But --- my brother is gone and so is my son. The two people who I want here by my side to welcome this new bundle of joy. I was sad and angry. It was hard for me to get passed that. Ivan has been with me everyday - since the day I was born. He still has not left my side. Ivan has taken care of so many things since he went Home. To some this may sound silly - but to me and my family - it's Ivan. Before Ivan's body left this earth - I whispered into his hear - mind you while I was sobbing my eyes out - telling him - that if he was going to leave me - he needed to make sure I got my house. I said - he needed to work things out upstairs and help his little sister out. The day I found out our loan and contract