Our Life with Oliver

As I wake up on my 27th birthday, I am feeling two different ways. Part of me feels defeated, broken. Last night - I spent a lot of time crying - missing my big brother, Ivan. This is my first birthday without him here with me. He has been gone 23 days - and it is just not fair. He should be here, my son, Oliver, should be here. I feel incomplete. We have been through so much - and I just feel as if - something else is about to cause heartbreak. Then part of me feels - blessed . This great loss I feel - wouldn't feel so great if it wasn't for all of the love I have shared. My brother was my biggest inspiration - the reason I kept on. My son, made me a mother - gave me purpose. I have made it to 27 years old, where I know one to many who have not. I have overcome so much. Addiction, domestic violence, miscarriage after miscarriage, depression, my stillborn son, the birth of my daughter, the loss of my brother. Yes - I have overcome the birth of my daughter. As joyous and m...

Dear Oliver, Your Tio Ivan is with you now. But I think you already knew that on Monday. I haven't felt like this since I had to say goodbye to you. It doesn't feel right, giving a last kiss knowing it won't happen again. I've told you before, but he knew. He knew that you were safe with God when you were still in my belly. He told your Buela that it's okay and you were okay. Tio Ivan always had one foot in Heaven and one foot on Earth. He was so special. He had a connection with God that I hope I can one day have. I know that he is with you in Heaven and you both are healthy and whole. No pain for either of you. Just love. I am so sad Oliver. I know you both are with me. I know you both will always be with me. He was the best big brother to your mama. He loved me so much and he always let me know. He gives the best hugs. Make sure you tell him that for me. He loves Jaxin and Olive so much. And they love him so much. Olive gave him so many kisses in the ho...