4 Weeks Later - Thanksgiving

Today marks 4 weeks that we had our hello/goodbye with Oliver. We have brought his urn today to my mothers house to be with us on Thanksgiving. Today is the day we say what we are thankful for. We are thankful for being able to wake up this morning and listen to Oliver's heartbeat we recorded when he was still in my belly. We are thankful for the many pictures we have of him to look at every morning and every night. We are thankful for this type of love that has been brought into our lives. We are thankful for the blessing to be parents to our handsome son.

We miss our son more than words could ever express. As thankful as we are to have had 34 weeks and 5 days with Oliver in the womb - and an entire day to hold him after he was born asleep- doesn't make this day any easier. Our hearts are broken - and will remain broken until we see our son again.

We love you Oliver. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being Home - 10/26

Image
We got home Friday evening. Took all of his pictures and put them on the computer and ordered them already. I can't stop looking at his face. I just wish we could have had more time, but in reality - all that time wouldn't be enough. I want him for a lifetime, I want to watch him grow up. I want to have fights about who is getting up in the middle of the night to feed him. I want to experience all of his milestones. I want him to be here with us every second of every day. Accepting what has happened is going to be a life long process. There will be no going back to normal for us. Now we will need to create a new normal - with Oliver's memories. Not a day will go by that we won't think about him, that we won't miss him and that is going to be something will we learn to work through. Just because Oliver is not here physically with us, does not mean we aren't parents. We are still his mom and dad, and we are so proud of him. He beat the odds of all of the doctors...
Read more

The Autopsy Results

Image
Today has been 2 weeks since we said hello & goodbye. I had a doctors appointment with the OBGYN, and if going to that office wasn't annoying enough without this tragedy - they really had to top it off today. I have been there 20 times during my pregnancy and today I am greeted by a completely different nurse - who does not have my file pulled - and asks me why I am at the office today, then how many pregnancies I have had. I have to go through the heartbreak of saying I lost a baby (miscarriage) 6 years ago, and my son was stillborn 2 weeks ago. Of course - I made it all morning without crying and one question has put me in tears in front of 1 too many people. She apologizes and I respond with the broken record response - "Thank you, it's not your fault." I go to the second waiting room - and I see the nurses I am used to - who know what has been happening and that Oliver is gone. I show them pictures and give them birth announcements. It was the first time tha...
Read more

If it meant I could hold him again...

Image
The first and last picture I have of our son. That day, I knew our journey had ended. I knew in my gut that it was time for us to say goodbye. We were finally going to be able to see what this little boy looked like. All of the ultrasounds were so vague, just enough to see movements. The 3D ultrasound wasn't even an option, being that we had no amniotic fluid. One part of me felt cheated, that I could see everyone else have these and I wouldn't be able to. The other part felt excited, that we were going to have a complete surprise and not have any ultrasound pictures to compare him to. Since we couldn't have the 3D with Oliver, we will follow that with our future children. Why? Because, if we do this with the next child, I will forever have a bitter taste that I did it for one child, but not the other. I want to try and have the same keepsakes for each child. I have such a fear that I will not be able to keep his memory alive, that I won't be able to include him ...
Read more