Our Life with Oliver

Today is Jaxin's 4th Birthday. It has been 4 beautiful years that this little boy has been changing our lives. I am so honored and blessed that I was chosen to be his Madrina (Godmother). It has been such a gift. As soon as he woke up this morning "Is my party ready?". This kid has been non-stop asking when people are going to "sing at him" and give him presents. It's adorable. His party is tomorrow -- I can't wait to see the crazy that is going down for that. I  think this year he finally gets that it's a day all about him! This is how this morning went down. 7:20am - we are awake - Andrew is at work - so I am solo with Olive and Jaxin. 7:48am - the task of breakfast is still attempted. 7:56am - his dad calls - to sing him Happy Birthday - Jaxin cannot focus because they are not on face-time. 8:00am - face-time with his Dad and Megan -- singing Happy Birthday So far a success...... Olive has eaten, Jaxin is stil...

Dear Olive, We are on the eve of your first birthday. I am in shock in regards to how fast this year has gone by. I have watched you grow, heard your cries and laughs. I have witnessed your rolling over, crawling, walking and new words. I have gotten to experience so many milestones and create so many memories in this past year. I am so grateful for each and every second that I have had with you. I am so beyond proud of who you are today and the girl you will become and the woman you will one day be. You are strong little lady. Full of so much love and happiness. It makes me feel so amazing that you have managed to touch so many lives with the beaming smile you love to share. I am so blessed to be able to call you mine. To be able to say that you are my daughter . Your big brother is always watching over you and with you every step of the way. I love that you smile when you see his picture on my phone, it makes me feel like the two of you are having a moment together. I love that...

I can always feel Oliver with me. I know he is around me. Especially since Olive came about. During her pregnancy and now that she is here, I know he is constantly with us. Whenever I hear or see his name, I know he is saying  'Hi mama - I love you'. I love getting signs from him. They give me butterflies. Jaxin never met Oliver. He was too little to understand what was going on. He does know now that the blue bear next to the urn is the Oliver bear. He has seen pictures of Oliver, as they are all over the house. With all of that, it's never been like him to talk about Oliver or say things like what he has recently. ........ About a week ago, he looks at me, points at my belly and says Nina. Oliver is in your belly and we need to get him out. {side note: he says Oliver like Oliber so it's even more adorable} I recently miscarried another baby, so I like to think and strongly believe that Oliver and this new baby in Heaven are still very much in my pr...

The first day of 2015 has been great so far. .......... The past few years have been such a roller coaster for  my family  and I know it will continue to be just that. So many new life changes and  welcoming  new members to the family. In 2014 we welcomed our beautiful daughter Olive Juanita. Our beautiful rainbow baby. She has brought us much joy and love and we are so blessed. We are still mourning the loss of Oliver, but I feel him with me everyday. With Olive being here, she has made his presence even stronger. He is always with us and in our hearts. Our bond as mother and son is still very active, and I am beyond thankful for that. We have another angel in Heaven that we lost December 1st. As my cousin told me a few weeks ago, I have a army of angels in Heaven. I am still very much learning how to cope with our losses and how to survive through them. I have been blessed with an amazing support system of our family and close friends. I have ...

The month of November has been a very busy month for us. We were adjusting to Oliver being a 2 year old in Heaven, Olive becoming a very fast crawler and wanting to stand up on everything and taking her first steps, my sister moving back home, planning her wedding, and getting ready for all of Olive's first holidays, and Jaxin finally understanding and practicing his Christmas list. In our crazy month and life, full of love and beautiful chaos, when we got a positive pregnancy test, we were almost in disbelief. This was unplanned, shocking, but happy and exciting moment. 6 tests later and finally it set in. We were pregnant and the planning began. Baby Suarez # 3 would be on there way and our lives were changing again. The normal nerves set in. This would be my 4th pregnancy. Miscarriage, Oliver (stillborn), Olive (our Rainbow), and this new baby. I knew that there were the obvious risks, but was trying to stay as positive as possible. We made it through Thanksgiving without...

Happy 2nd Birthday Oliver We send love to you and all of your friends in Heaven Celebrating Oliver's birthday was such a success. I am so very blessed to have such beautiful family and friends in Oliver's life. It still amazes me that Oliver, who never experienced life on this earth, can and is impacting so many people's lives. I am so proud of my baby boy. He is only 2 years old, but has accomplished so much. The story of his journey has reached far beyond what we could have imagined. He has made me stronger, as a woman, daughter, sister, aunt, wife and mother. He changed my world, and though the tears do come and my heart does hurt, I can still smile and enjoy my son. I am still able to lift his memory up, and share how much a positive impact he has had on me.  I am so thankful for everyone that came to help us celebrate. All of those balloons represent a person in Heaven that we are missing. For the babies that left too soon, for the babies we never got to m...

The month of October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month & Oliver's birthday month. On Facebook today, scrolling through all of the different posts of those supporting those who have lost, I cam across a comment. It has since been deleted, but was along the lines of Isn't it bad enough that they lost their babies,  do they need a whole month to dwell and wallow in pain. Comments like this prove why we need to spread awareness. The comments after that were flooded with protective mama's, those who have lost, those who haven't, those who have friends who have lost. It was so empowering to see all of these women support each other.  Oliver is no longer here on earth with me. I can't celebrate his life every morning in the same way I do with his beautiful little sister Olive. Every morning she wakes up, every second she is in my arms, with every picture I post of her, I celebrate her life. With every scream his big cousin Jaxin makes, every ...