No Regrets

I was given the option to medically terminate, to abort - and I considered that option. I chose that option. I sat on that for a week. I thank God everyday - that I reconsidered and plan to carry my son for as long as he would let me.

As I considered to terminate my pregnancy I asked if I would be able to hold Oliver after and how the process would go. As I learned that a medicine would need to be injected to stop his heart - that idea was just something I couldn't go through with. He would have been so tiny at 20 weeks and even holding him then, I wouldn't have been able to truly see my son. How could I do that to my baby? I sat on this for a week. For one week I laid on the couch and felt my baby move and contemplated what I would do. What would be best for me? my baby? my family? 

The only question that needed to be answered - As his mother - what is best for my son? I thank God that I was informed that I could carry him to term. That I was contacted to go over this option and learn of all the memories I could make with my son with such a small amount of time. 

Pregnancy is so unpredictable. It is such an amazing journey the female body takes. It is truly a miracle. I was told I would have trouble conceiving - and Oliver was conceived on the first try. I was told he would make it past 16 weeks. He made it to 34 weeks 5 days. I was told he would look "different", he was beautiful. - Clearly - this little boy was meant to be my son and I was meant to be his mother. 

I am so thankful that I don't have to regret making a choice that would have left me broken. I am so thankful that I didn't make a choice that would have left me without the memories I have. Because I carried my son - I was able to see him, to hold him, to kiss him, to love him. I can still feel his baby soft skin. Because I carried my son - I was able to see his beautiful face - his full head of hair, that he had my nose, and his daddy's toes. 

Pregnancy & Infant loss is this month. This month means so much to me. I am a mother to two angel babies. My miscarriage and my son. In 10 days my beautiful boy will be 1 year old. The month of October is such an emotional month and meaningful month for me. I only ask that you pray for those who have had a similar journey or about to take a similar path. This road is a hard road and the choices to make are heart wrenching. 

One prayer could change someones entire life. 

I love you Oliver - 
More and more everyday. 
I am so proud to be your mother. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 23, 2013 at 10:28 AM

    So beautifully put and I completely agree. Thank you for sharing this. Happy 1st Birthday in heaven sweet Oliver!

    ReplyDelete

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