This is not what I pictured
____________________________________________________________________ This is not the way I imagined taking photos with my baby boy. Holding an urn, looking down, trying to keep it together for a photo. This is not what I imagined what my life would be when I wanted to start a family. Yet, here I am. Living my life with part of my heart in Heaven and part of it here. I haven't written in awhile. When I try to write I feel this weight on my chest. I miss my son. I don't understand why his life was cut short. I don't know why I wasn't able to see the color of his eyes or hear him cry. It is a daily struggle with reminding myself that it is not for me to understand. I still struggle with thinking I could have done something differently, thinking that I had any control. This feeling, this heaviness has kept me from writing as much. This feeling, this heaviness is why I started writing in the first place. Talking about Oliver's journey, the words weren't easy to s