Friday, January 13, 2017

He should be here.

He should be here.

He should be here with me.
He should be here with us.

He should be here.

He should be here getting ready to start VPK
He should be here hitting milestones.
He should be here throwing tantrums.

He should be here.

He should be here growing up with his sisters.
He should be here growing up with his cousins.
He should be here growing with us as a family.

He should be here.

He should be here testing my patience.
He should be here causing chaos.
He should be here fighting with me.

He should be here.

He should be here going to sleep with me.
He should be here having me love him.
He should be here with me - as son and mama.

He should be here.

Oliver should be here with me. He should be here.

He's not here. We had such a short time together. And today it's hard for me to understand why he isn't here with me now. It's days like today that make me question everything in my life. It's days like today that I can't see clearly. It days like today that my body aches for a little boy that I only had 34 weeks and 5 days with. It's days like today that nothing else in the world matters except my little boy in Heaven and my babies here on Earth.

It's days like today that I am sad.
It's days like today that I feel broken.
It's days like today where the only way I would feel better - is to hold my little boy.

It's days like today that remind me of our bond.
It's days like today that remind me of our journey.

Oliver - you are my everything. I love you more than I could ever even try to explain. You made me a mother. You made me who I am today. You continue to give me strength and love.

Until we see each other again my sweet baby angel.