I had a plan, that by the
time I was twenty-five years old I would have had a child. I became pregnant
when I was twenty three years old - on our first cycle of trying. We were both
so shocked it happened so fast but so excited at the same time. At our very
first appointment - about 9 weeks - we were told everything looked great. There
was a heartbeat and a little peanut growing away. I had originally opted out of
the NT scan between 12-13 weeks and then changed my mind. I wanted another
ultrasound to have more pictures of my little bean. It was at that appointment
that this plan of mine took a turn. We were told that we needed to see a high
risk doctor and from that appointment on was just continued confirmation that
our little boy had a fatal diagnosis. I was quickly reminded that it is never
our plan but His above. We chose to carry to term despite his fatal diagnosis.
I couldn't end my child's life - I was, am, and will always be his mother. I
became an advocate for my son while he was still in my womb. My job was to be
strong for him. He was stillborn at 34 weeks 5 days gestation. All of the
doctors were surprised he even lived that long inside of me. He was a miracle
from Heaven above - a beautiful little boy that gave me the title of "Mom".
God answered my prayers to see my little boys face, to hold him, to kiss him. While
he went Home on October 25,2012 - he has never left our hearts. Now, Oliver
watches over his cousin Jaxin and his two little sisters, Olive and Opal.
Oliver only knew love and warmth inside my womb. Each and every day I think of
my little boy, and while my heart still longs for him – I am always filled with
love in his memory. He may have never walked this Earth – but from Heaven above
– his is teaching me daily. Teaching me to slow down, to react with love first.
God above chose my son to guide our family Home. Oliver was chosen to be our
guide on this journey. I will always be thankful for my son – and for
everything he has and continues to accomplish through his 34 weeks and 5 days
with us here and now his eternity in Heaven. A quote
that says it all :
angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
Then whispered as she
closed the book "too beautiful for earth" ...