About Time

This past weekend, myself and 7 strong, beautiful mamas all met for the first time. Except, we already knew each other on such a deep level. I can only speak for myself, but it didn't feel like meeting for the first time. The hugs we greeted each other with - were so full of emotion and love.  We have been part of each others live for so long - over 5 years - that it was about time we made this happen. We have supported one another in the births and deaths of our children. We have confided in each other about the ups and downs we all experience in life. Our babies brought us together, but we connected on so much more. 
Ben, Addison, Grace, Oliver, Sloane, Penny, Evan, Ella

Those beautiful 8 babies changed our lives. Never did we expect that we would become pregnant, just to find out that we would be provided a fatal diagnosis. Yet, that's what happened. With the online forums that exist, we were all able to find each other pretty quickly after receiving a diagnosis. 

Googling - "12 weeks pregnant with no kidneys" or "12 week thickened NT" or "Trisomy 13" - brings up quite a bit. We all stumbled across the same group - that truly changed our lives. Babycenter.com - a group called: Carrying/Carried Pregnancy Despite Poor or Fatal Prenatal Diagnosis. Finding this group - asking questions and getting replies was amazing. I never thought that being a part of this group - I would meet the mamas who would be part of my village. I am forever grateful to the mamas who kept up being active in this group. 

Being able to type and talk online, for me, helped so much. I couldn't speak about Oliver without breaking down. I didn't want those around me to know while I was pregnant, and after he passed - I just couldn't bear to say he died. Being able to have an online support group was the type of support I needed at that time. 

It has been 6 years for me, some less and some more. When Oliver turned 5, that was a hard year for me. I wasn't posting as much online, my energy felt depleted. We all had previously said that we needed to plan a weekend to all see each other in person - and 6  months ago we did it. And by we -  I mean one amazing mama got all the information and coordinated it - and we love her so much for doing it! 

This past weekend together, is a weekend I will never forget. A barn style AirBNB. with. a gorgeous pool was booked and we were all so excited. Walking into a room that sleeps 16 with a ping pong table, pool table and air hockey table lined up in the middle - was not exactly what we expected - but it is exactly what we needed. This weekend was about being together - and it was perfect. We got to talk about our babies to those who knew exactly how we felt in those moments. We got to cry and laugh and cry again. Saying their names and sharing their stories in detail was so beautiful and therapeutic. I am so proud of our babies and what they have accomplished in their short lives. They continue to provide us strength, love and inspiration in life and we are honored they chose us to be their mamas. 

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