The Autopsy Results

Today has been 2 weeks since we said hello & goodbye. I had a doctors appointment with the OBGYN, and if going to that office wasn't annoying enough without this tragedy - they really had to top it off today. I have been there 20 times during my pregnancy and today I am greeted by a completely different nurse - who does not have my file pulled - and asks me why I am at the office today, then how many pregnancies I have had. I have to go through the heartbreak of saying I lost a baby (miscarriage) 6 years ago, and my son was stillborn 2 weeks ago. Of course - I made it all morning without crying and one question has put me in tears in front of 1 too many people. She apologizes and I respond with the broken record response - "Thank you, it's not your fault."

I go to the second waiting room - and I see the nurses I am used to - who know what has been happening and that Oliver is gone. I show them pictures and give them birth announcements. It was the first time that I have had people treat him like he wasn't dead. The "Oh look at this little man - How cute is he" response I have been wanting to hear since we got pregnant. I really felt like a Mom today.

As I meet with the doctor- who has been extremely amazing - she says she has the autopsy results, and that there was "a lot" going on inside of his body.
   > Multiple spleens
   > Absence of the cerebellar vermis w/ a dandy walker malformation
   > Hydrops
   > Cystic Hygroma w/ webbing of the neck
   > Congenital Heart Disease
   > Malrotated bowel w/ the appendix in the left lower quadrant

This is not the complete listing - but the main 'abnormalities' that Oliver was dealing with. The doctor was amazed how 'normal" he looked at birth. I know that how beautiful he looked was God answering my prayers. Every night during the pregnancy I prayed for the chance to meet my son, and for Oliver's journey back home to be safe and peaceful. God gave me a beautiful son, who knew no pain from his conditions, but only love and warmth from inside the womb. He shouldn't have made it to 16 weeks, 20 weeks, and definitely not 34 weeks 5 days. He may have been still born - but he is a miracle. My miracle.


Comments

  1. MeganNovember 8, 2012 at 8:47 PM

    I made it to your blog from the Babycenter CTT board. I'm a fellow member.

    He's beautiful. He has such a sweet, peaceful face! And I love his little fingers. So cute.

    I'm sorry you've gone through this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CJ Suarez {olive.rs mom}November 9, 2012 at 11:46 AM

      Thank you Megan :) My heart goes out to everyone on the board. Everyone on there is in my prayers for miracles :)

      Delete
  2. UnknownNovember 8, 2012 at 9:23 PM

    i love you Cris. You are so much stronger than I have ever been, and probably more than I ever will be.

    ReplyDelete

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