11 Weeks Already...

11 weeks ago we met our son. 11 weeks ago we said goodbye. 11 weeks ago our lives changed forever.

It is so hard for me to not be angry every day. Why is my son gone? Why did he have to leave? Why didn't we get any answers? Why? It is just absolutely not fair. I should be sleep deprived right now, and not because I cry every night, hoping I will wake up the next morning to this just being a nightmare. I should be freaking out about this being the last week at home with Oliver. I should still be home, watching him grow, seeing his eyes wander, staring at him in awe. I shouldn't be at work, hiding my tears, having to cry in the bathroom, trying to avoid any awkward moment. I should be causing some sort of facebook havoc with the amount of photos I am uploading of him and getting all the oooos and awwws from family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. I should still have friends. Friends who are asking to come visit or go out to lunch, so they can see Oliver. Not friends who have distanced themselves from me because they don't know what to say. I lost my son and so much more.


I am beyond thankful for my son. He is the biggest blessing in my life. He is my miracle. 

I just wish I had so much more. 
I wish I had my son. 

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 10, 2013 at 8:32 PM

    Cristel and Andrew, only God has those answers you are yearning for. I hurt for you because I cannot imagine how you feel. But have comfort knowing that Oliver is not without your love through God. I ask God to give you peace and comfort. Lord help their hearts to heal and be strong in faith and assure them, they will see Oliver again. God bless you both.

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