You Found My Way Back
Oliver -
When I was around 15/16 years old, your Tio Ivan got very sick. Things changed drastically. We knew that he was handicapped. We knew that our family would never have 'normal'. But this - this was just not fair. I became very angry. I was so upset that my big brother had to go through this pain. That my big brother was in the hospital for months and that he was suffering. I became so angry with God. Why would He do this to us? Your Tio Ivan is a strong believer. He has seen God. He has had those experiences. He has a connection to God that many people don't have. So again, I ask him Why? I turned away from Him. I became angry. My faith was non-existent. Why should such a beautiful soul go through this pain?
It took me years to find my way back. In a way, I never truly found my way back. That is, until you came about. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was terrified. Truly terrified. I told your Daddy not to tell anyone, because I was convinced I would miscarry you, just like I did the baby before. I had a heavy heart, I was prepared for something horrible. I was waiting to be proved wrong. When we found out the first abnormality, Tio Ivan and Buela were in the room. He was concerned. His baby sister was crying. He didn't know why. As a big brother, he wanted to fix it, he wanted to know what was happening.
While I was pregnant with you, Tio Ivan got very sick again. He was in the hospital. We were scared. I knew I was losing you, and I was freaking out having to lose my big brother also. Thank the Lord, he recovered. He was able to hold you at the hospital. He held you in his hands, you both bonded. It was beautiful.
After you were born, Buela told me what he told her in the hospital. When he woke up - he told her how you were with God. He told her not to worry, that you were okay. He told her that many times. I was still pregnant with you when he told her this. Like I said - he has a connection to God that many people don't have. Your Tio Ivan knew you would be safe with the Lord before you were even gone. How amazing is that?
You were given to me for a reason. You were given to your Daddy for a reason. You were given to our families for a reason. You brought me back to my faith. I didn't find my way back to God. You did. He gave me you to show me how amazing He is. I am forever thankful. You are a miracle baby. You are my miracle baby.
When I was around 15/16 years old, your Tio Ivan got very sick. Things changed drastically. We knew that he was handicapped. We knew that our family would never have 'normal'. But this - this was just not fair. I became very angry. I was so upset that my big brother had to go through this pain. That my big brother was in the hospital for months and that he was suffering. I became so angry with God. Why would He do this to us? Your Tio Ivan is a strong believer. He has seen God. He has had those experiences. He has a connection to God that many people don't have. So again, I ask him Why? I turned away from Him. I became angry. My faith was non-existent. Why should such a beautiful soul go through this pain?
It took me years to find my way back. In a way, I never truly found my way back. That is, until you came about. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was terrified. Truly terrified. I told your Daddy not to tell anyone, because I was convinced I would miscarry you, just like I did the baby before. I had a heavy heart, I was prepared for something horrible. I was waiting to be proved wrong. When we found out the first abnormality, Tio Ivan and Buela were in the room. He was concerned. His baby sister was crying. He didn't know why. As a big brother, he wanted to fix it, he wanted to know what was happening.
While I was pregnant with you, Tio Ivan got very sick again. He was in the hospital. We were scared. I knew I was losing you, and I was freaking out having to lose my big brother also. Thank the Lord, he recovered. He was able to hold you at the hospital. He held you in his hands, you both bonded. It was beautiful.
After you were born, Buela told me what he told her in the hospital. When he woke up - he told her how you were with God. He told her not to worry, that you were okay. He told her that many times. I was still pregnant with you when he told her this. Like I said - he has a connection to God that many people don't have. Your Tio Ivan knew you would be safe with the Lord before you were even gone. How amazing is that?
You were given to me for a reason. You were given to your Daddy for a reason. You were given to our families for a reason. You brought me back to my faith. I didn't find my way back to God. You did. He gave me you to show me how amazing He is. I am forever thankful. You are a miracle baby. You are my miracle baby.
I am so proud to be your mother.
I love you Oliver.
So beautiful, I can feel the love you have for your Oliver, your family and your God. God bless you all.
ReplyDeleteAmazing
ReplyDeleteBeautiful as always
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