October 24, 2012

October 25,2012 - we said Hello & Goodbye to our first born son. And while that day is one of the most meaningful days of my life - October 24 is just as powerful. 

October 24, 2012 - I learned how strong of a bond Oliver and I had. I knew his routine. I knew his touch in my womb. I knew his heartbeat. So when I went to bed the night of the 23rd - I knew that October 24 may be a very scary day. 

That morning I woke up - Andrew was already out of the house. I didn't go to work because I knew I would need to call the doctor. 

I had a soda the night before in hopes to get him moving. His heart rate was slowing down when I checked before I went to sleep. 

I got my Doppler and checked for his heart rate. Nothing. 

Silently freaking the hell out. 

I called my mom. No answer. She was getting her hair done. I called the salon. Told her it was time. I went to my parents to wait for my mom to go to the doctor with me. I checked for his heart rate again. Nothing. 

Went to the doctor. And confirmed. He was gone. 

I thank God that Oliver and I had a strong bond. Knowing when he passed - being able to be induced right away - and getting to see my boy and his beautiful face while I still could - was all I could ask for. 

I knew Oliver wouldn't be with me on Earth. I wish I could have heard him cry. I wish I could of had more. I wish I could have a lifetime with him. 

But God allowed me to meet my boy. God gave me a child and made me a mother. God let me hold and kiss my boy. God let my son fill my heart and give me purpose. 

Tomorrow my son will be 4 years old. 

I have a 4 year old in Heaven. 

I love you my sweet boy. More than I could even express. You are forever my sweet baby angel. 

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