This Time Last Year

One year ago yesterday, a Thursday night around 7:30 pm, I took a pregnancy test. It was the first month we were trying. It was the day my expected period was due. The odds were I wasn't pregnant. I took the test on a whim. I screamed when I saw the positive. I was alone at home. Andrew was at a friends house. I called my mom, my best friend at the time, and my gay. Two out of three of those people are still in my life. I didn't want to tell Andrew over the phone or via text. When he got home, he was shocked to say the least. He said "you said it wouldn't happen this fast." I honestly didn't think it would. I miscarried when I was 17 years old. Since then I have had irregular periods and been diagnosed with PCOS. They doctors told me I don't ovulate every month with the expectation that when I wanted to get pregnant, fertility pills would probably be the route we would need to go. I told those who knew, not to tell anyone because of my past and ovarian issues - I may miscarry this baby too. I didn't want to get my hopes up. Once I heard his heartbeat, saw his tiny body on the ultrasound and have the doctor say everything looked good - I felt relieved and excited and all of the expected feelings of a new pregnant mom. A little less then 2 weeks later that all changed. From 12 weeks on - I knew this miracle, this surprise, this wonderful blessing, was going to leave me. Oliver was meant to be. To get pregnant that fast and with all of the odds against me, he was supposed to be our son. God gave us 34 weeks and 5 days with this beautiful baby boy. And then He called him Home. Oliver is a soldier in God's angel army. We know that Oliver is a strong boy because of how long he stayed with me. I asked God for a child - and he delivered. We are so proud to call Oliver our son and I thank God every night for allowing me to be his mother. I cannot wait to see him again and shower him with hugs and kisses and tell him how much I love and miss him.

It has been one year since we found out our life was going to change.

It has changed in ways we would have never expected.

We love you Oliver. 
Our love grows everyday.
That will never change. 


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