Dear Oliver

Dear Oliver -

Today we had the NT scan for your little brother/sister and everything looks beautiful. This is the scan where I found out that you were sick. I was so devastated. I had fallen madly in love with you already - and they were already telling me you would be leaving me sooner than I was expecting.

When we had to say goodbye to you, I thought getting pregnant again would help heal my pain. I thought I would be filled with an extreme amount of joy and want to share it with the world. But when that day came, there was a lack of emotion. Almost a disbelief. I had already set myself up for the worst. I became sad, because this baby is not you. I love this baby just as much as I love you, but knowing you won't be here to share this breaks my heart all over again. This journey will be full of emotional ups and downs, but I know that you are here with us and watching over him/her. You are a strong and amazing boy, being a Big Brother will not be hard for you. This baby will have their personal Guardian Angel and they will know that from the very beginning.

This pregnancy is so different from yours and it comforts me knowing I am having a different experience, keeping what we had - just ours. As much pain as I have in my heart - it will never overcome the amount of love I have for you and the bond we will always have. You are my first born son and you showed everyone how special you truly are.

I love you Oliver. 

I know there will be a day when we are 
all together as a family in our true Home. 


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