When that day comes...

Everything would be
better if he was here. 

It seems like the days are getting longer and the nights are getting harder. All I want is to come home to a growing little boy and to stare at his adorable facial expressions and watch him learn about the world around him. I envy those who get to do that and I feel so wrong to say that. I know God gave us Oliver because he knew we would be strong enough to handle what journey we would have ahead of us. Being strong doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Being strong doesn't mean it gets easier. Being strong doesn't mean that this pain will eventually go away. Being strong was making the decision to carry to term despite the fatal diagnosis we were given by numerous doctors. Being strong meant becoming parents immediately and making decisions for our child before we thought we needed to. We chose to carry Oliver and give him the chance and life he deserved. I can still feel him kicking. I remember that day so vividly when he stopped, I tried everything to get him to move. I tried to convince myself that I was being paranoid. The day he was born was the day our journey truly began. The lifelong journey until we see our son again.

When that day comes,
everything will be better.
 Not just better, but perfect.


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