Bittersweet

There was only one ultrasound that I was able to enjoy with Oliver - and that was the gender ultrasound. We found out we were having a precious baby boy! All of the others - were sad and upsetting with more bad news and information on what health issues Oliver had. The 20 week anatomy scan was the worst to come. Everything was confirmed and the "waiting game" began. Yet still beating the odds and making it to 35 weeks. I was blessed with such a fighter and amazing little boy.

With the journey we had with Oliver - has made every ultrasound with Olive a scare for me. I have gone in very anxious and cautious. We have been blessed to know that Olive has passed all of the tests and is a very healthy baby girl. Measuring a week ahead and already making her personality known. The 20 week scan - was beautiful. Her kidneys were perfect and we were able to see her bladder - which we were not able to see with her brother. Her heart and brain are in perfect order. We have been truly blessed. 

That was one of roughest days I have had so far with this pregnancy. I felt so relieved that my little girl is healthy and doing great. But - I just had an overwhelming sadness - knowing that I didn't get to have this with Oliver. All I wanted was to be holding him that day. Wishing he was alive, healthy and here with me. 

We are on this journey for a reason and everything happens for a reason. Oliver is in a better place, where all he knows is love and peace, in our true home. He never had to go through any pain here and I am thankful for that. He is able to take care of his sister in the most special way. He gets to be her Guardian Angel and keep her safe. I wish things were different. I know when its my time - I will be greeted by my baby boy and we will have an eternity together. 

We love you Oliver. More and more everyday.

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