Happy 1st Birthday {10.25.13}

Dear Oliver,

Happy 1st Birthday. I am in shock that it has been a year since I got to see your beautiful face and hold your precious little body. You were 3lbs,15 oz, 15.5 inches long and born at 5:49pm. We spent 34 weeks and 5 days together. In that short time, our bond became so strong. I know everything about you and I know that you are still with me. I know that you are a strong, brave, beautiful and amazing little boy. Strong and brave because you beat the odds. Because you didn't accept that timeline the doctors had set, because you stayed with me for as long as you could hold out for. Beautiful and amazing because you changed my life and changed my heart. You have made me a better person, a better mother, a better wife, a better daughter, a better friend. You have touched the lives of so many other people. I am so proud of all you have accomplished in your short life here on Earth. I know the celebration in Heaven is going to be wonderful. I wish that I could be with you, sing you happy birthday, and watch you destroy a birthday cake. I know that we will have these memories one day. That is what keeps me going. That one day - we will be together again . That I will be able to hold you and smother you with all my love I have for you. This first year has been such a journey - and I miss you more and more everyday. We will be celebrating your first year with our friends and family. In honor of you we will be helping so many other children & mothers. Because of you this is happening! I am so proud to be your mother and feel so blessed that God sent you to be my son.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby angel. 
I love you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

About Time

Image
This past weekend, myself and 7 strong, beautiful mamas all met for the first time. Except, we already knew each other on such a deep level. I can only speak for myself, but it didn't feel like meeting for the first time. The hugs we greeted each other with - were so full of emotion and love.   We have been part of each others live for so long - over 5 years - that it was about time   we made this happen. We have supported one another in the births and deaths of our children. We have confided in each other about the ups and downs we all experience in life. Our babies brought us together, but we connected on so much more.  Ben, Addison, Grace, Oliver, Sloane, Penny, Evan, Ella Those beautiful 8 babies changed our lives. Never did we expect that we would become pregnant, just to find out that we would be provided a fatal diagnosis. Yet, that's what happened. With the online forums that exist, we were all able to find each other pretty quickly after receiving a diagnosis
Read more

This is not what I pictured

Image
____________________________________________________________________ This is not the way I imagined taking photos with my baby boy. Holding an urn, looking down, trying to keep it together for a photo. This is not what I imagined what my life would be when I wanted to start a family. Yet, here I am. Living my life with part of my heart in Heaven and part of it here. I haven't written in awhile. When I try to write I feel this weight on my chest. I miss my son. I don't understand why his life was cut short. I don't know why I wasn't able to see the color of his eyes or hear him cry. It is a daily struggle with reminding myself that it is not for me to understand. I still struggle with thinking I could have done something differently, thinking that I had any control. This feeling, this heaviness has kept me from writing as much. This feeling, this heaviness is why I started writing in the first place. Talking about Oliver's journey, the words weren't easy to s
Read more

Dear Oliver

Dear Oliver, It has been awhile since I have written to you. I have so many emotions about that. I think about you every second of every day. I talk about you every day. I wake up thinking about you, I go to bed thinking about you. None of that has changed. __________________________________________________________________________ They say there are five stages of grief: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance For your first 5 years plus our pregnancy - I bounced between the first three stages. How could this have happened? Why did this happen? I prayed for you -- what did I do to deserve this? I was thankful and grateful for you - despite the fact that we are not physically together. I would dream that you were still alive, here - with me, just to wake up without you. I would cry - but also smile thinking of how beautiful you are. You made me a mother - you made us a family.  The fourth stage - depression - that hit this past year. Har
Read more