As if he was still here..

Being pregnant with your Rainbow (a healthy baby after a loss baby), is an emotional roller coaster, on top of the already hormonal battle of pregnancy. You are feeling every single emotion at once and at times can feel guilty for all of these feelings. It is a normal question for any pregnant woman to be asked - is this baby number one, or how many other children do you have. Sometimes I answer that Olive is my second and tell the person about how Oliver is no longer here and all that he has accomplished in my life and others. Which then breaks my heart and theirs. This past week I was asked these questions by two different people. I just couldn't bring myself to break someone else's heart and I wanted to feel "normal". So I said that this is my second and my little boy just turned one. Went into the conversation that I am lucky to have a boy and a girl so close in age. I simply agreed and kept a smile on my face. For those few moments I got to feel as if he was still here. And it felt good. For a moment I got to feel as if my family was complete.

I feel so truly blessed to have a beautiful son and a beautiful daughter on the way. I only wish that they could grow up together. I know that one day they will meet each other and it will be as if they were never apart.  I know he is taking care of her as she grows in my womb. He is keeping her safe, just as any older brother would for their little sister. My goal is to tell her the journey of her brother and for her to always feel safe as he is her guardian angel, watching over us, and that he is forever in our hearts.




Comments

  1. UnknownNovember 2, 2013 at 7:28 PM

    You are a beautiful Mother! Oliver will always live through you. God has given you strength and courage to share your story with others to make them strong and help them through their storms. God bless you and your Family. I think of you often. I can't wait to see your little Olive. She is a gift from God.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownNovember 2, 2013 at 7:53 PM

    So beautifully written, Cristelle <3 You are the ultimate super mom

    ReplyDelete

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