July & The Decision

7-16-12
We went for the 20 week ultrasound. They could barely see him because the fluid was so low. They could not find his kidneys or balder – which means they have not been developing. They said there is no way to fix this and that without fluid he won’t make it. His heart is still beating and I can still feel him kicking. I will see a different specialist this week to set up the plans for delivery. I went to bed last night hoping I would wake up and this be a dream.

7-20-12
Saw an another specialist today.  He said that the kidneys are there and they are just enlarged – still no bladder. Either it is empty or the kidneys are just not working properly. With the very low fluid it was very hard to see everything still. His heart is still beating and is about 2 weeks behind in growth. They are mostly concerned about the kidneys- but give a 20-30 % chance of survival. We have decided to hold on to him as long as we can and as long as he makes it. I am so torn but I can’t do anything that would leave me with a what if at the end. He is still our son, and we just can't make a decision to end his life, it is in God's hands and we have to protect our child while we can. 

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