Time to Say Goodbye - 10/24

10-24-12
Monday night we watched my belly pop and jump as Oliver was going crazy in my belly. 

Tuesday I only felt some pressure. I am trying not to worry - because last time - everything was fine. I am going to try and focus on feeling him move and see what happens throughout the day.

Tuesday night - after I got home - I took the fetal doppler out and tried to find a heartbeat. The heartbeat was only around 110-120, not the normal 140 we find him at and I am having trouble finding the heartbeat.

Today - I try to lay in bed and feel for him. I have tried the doppler again several times - and NOTHING. Call my parents and the doctor. My mom takes me to the doctor and we get in to the ultrasound room. This appointment confirms that his heartbeat has stopped and we have lost our battle. I go home and tell Andrew what has happened, and now it is time to go to the hospital.

I felt so silly - because I knew this was going to happen - yet I was holding on to as much hope as I could that he would fall into the small percentage and survive. I am just shocked and numb. I am feeling every feeling possible at once. I am excited to meet our son but terrified because we won't be able to bring him home. 

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